Coping.org, home of the Tools for Coping Series - onsite manuals for coping with a variety of life's stressors. excellent resources Tools for Handling Loss Tools for Personal Growth Tools for Relationships Tools for Communication Tools for Anger Work-OutTools for Handling Control Issues
"Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself" - James Allen
Mostly not the event itself but our distressing emotions such as anger, fear, worry or shame/guilt make us feel worst and cause ineffective handling of the situations. Primarily stress coping attempt to coping with our own distressing emotions. There is an inverse relationship between our rational thinking and distressing emotions. When we are stressful our thinking will be very narrow.
For example Feel about “love” - passionately Think about “love” – rationally You can feel the difference between the two
Our appraisal plays a major role that determines our emotional experiences. Reappraisal decreases negative emotions. Under stress there is a overlap between positive and negative emotion which in turn we confused about our feelings and problems. We can see in our every day lives, If someone under stress, is confused the other person help him/her to take decision but the other person have such type of problem he also turn others to help to take decision. This is because present and absents of distressing emotions. Person who are emotionally intelligent will perceive and appraise their emotional states and know how and when to express their feelings. These competencies help him to cope up successfully with his stress.
Emotional intelligence/ competence/ maturity is nothing but Understand, manage and control our own emotions Understand, manage and control others emotion The good news is we can learn to control our emotions. The bad news is our innate fighting urge and unconscious impulsive reactions prevent us from controlling our emotions.
To change your circumstances, first start thinking differently. —Norman Vincent Peale
Attitudes are important because they shape our perceptions of the beliefs about events, situations, and people which influence our behaviors. Attitude is our mental filter through which we experience the world. They are formed gradually though experiences and learning. Attitude can increase stress and negatively impact your physical and emotional well-being. Some of our attitude creates stress such as,
"1 must always please people and live up to everyone's expectations." "I am basically defective and inferior to other people." "I must always be perfect." “Others must accept me” “No one understand me” “No one respect me” “I must do it myself” “My life is running me” “I must not fail” “I cannot say no to someone or something” “Other people exploit me”
By changing our attitude, perception and reactions to stress we can reduce stress this will positively impact your health and well-being. Be flexible with our rigid attitudes. We need to check our attitudes very often because we may not aware of it. The good news is if we aware, it is very easy to change. Negative thoughts drain you. Positive thoughts energize you. And you have a choice. Only you are responsible for your experiences of life.